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Laughing All the Way with Funny Christmas Quotes

Christmas can be a stressful time of year. From shopping to hosting to cooking and more. So, why not laugh your way out of your stress? Here are some funny Christmas Quotes that will have you Ho,Ho, Ho’ing along with Santa.

Their’s also a great giveaway hop at the end of this post so don’t miss out!

20 Funny Christmas Quotes

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”– Andy Borowitz

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”– Victor Borge

“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”– Don Marquis

“I hate the radio this time of year because they play “All I Want For Christmas Is You” like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.”– Bridger Winegar

“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”– Henny Youngman

“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. You know, the birth of Santa?”– Matt Groening

“The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.”– Joan Rivers

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”– Author Unknown

“Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.”– Frank McKinney Hubbard

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.”– Author Unknown

“I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel in my stocking.”– Author Unknown

“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, “Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?” – Jim Gaffigan

“If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look like they put up a good fight.”– Author Unknown

“People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.”– Author Unknown

“Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’.”– Robert Paul

“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.”– Melanie White

“There are some people who want to throw their arms round you simply because it is Christmas; there are other people who want to strangle you simply because it is Christmas.”– Robert Staughton Lynd

“Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer… Who’d have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?”– Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

“Charlie, stay away from those things. They’re reindeer, you don’t know where they’ve been. They all look like they’ve got key lime disease.”– Scott Calvin in The Santa Clause

“Damn. How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?”– Santa Claus in Home Alone

Do you have a favorite funny Christmas quote?

Giveaway Hop Time

This is the perfect time of year to join our giveaway hop. So many bloggers have great prizes for the holidays. I’m giving away a $25 Amazon Gift Card. Good Luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway


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  1. Ella says:

    I try not to buy anything for myself while I am trying to provide for my kids and husband during the holidays. I would buy him something for his room I think. I would buy an anniversary gift for my friend. I might pick up a couple of the books on my wishlist if I don’t get them for Christmas.

  2. Ornaments says:

    I would buy him something for his room I think. I would buy an anniversary gift for my friend. Mine won’t connect to the internet anymore so I can’t download new books. I might pick up a couple of the books on my wish list if I don’t get them for Christmas.

  3. Carolyn Daley says:

    I would buy an anniversary gift for my boyfriend. Thanks for the chance!

  4. Betty Curran says:

    I would buy a new Kindle. Mine won’t connect to the internet any more so I can’t download new books.

  5. JanD says:

    I will buy a memory card if I win.

  6. AEKZ2 says:

    I would buy a new shirt

  7. Alexandra Y says:

    Diaper or wipes

  8. wen budro says:

    I will buy a DVD or two. Amazon has a great selection of DVDs.

  9. carissa joslyn says:

    My sons birthday was last weekend, and no one came. So I would buy him something for his room i think. Cheer him up a bit 🙂

  10. Cassandra D says:

    Books,socks and a mug.

  11. LeAnn Harbert says:

    I will get my granddaughter some books and slides to go with her microscope.

  12. Laura B. says:

    I might pick up a couple of the books on my wishlist if I don’t get them for Christmas. If I do, then, probably clothing.

  13. Patrice P. says:

    I would buy a bird feeder.

  14. Linda Kohlenberg says:

    I will buy some turmeric curcumin supplement.

  15. Jason Cullum says:

    I would buy something fun for the pets.

  16. laurie says:

    I really don’t know what I would buy

  17. Shirley Emitt says:

    I would buy a new blanket.

  18. Jeryl M. says:

    I would Broadway CDs.

  19. adriana says:

    I would put it towards an instant pot.

  20. Janie McGaugh says:

    I’ll buy books!

  21. Breanne says:

    I would buy a scarf.

  22. Kathy Cozzarelli says:

    I’m saving to buy a pillow for Mom.

  23. Janice Dean says:

    You make me laugh! GH thanks and good luck to all!

  24. sandra says:

    i could use a new toaster

  25. kimrk56 says:

    I would buy a new gloves.

  26. Jeanna Massman says:

    I would buy something special for my grandson. Thanks for the opportunity!

  27. Daniel M says:

    got lots of movies on my wishlist

  28. Chris L says:

    Some nice warm fleece socks.

  29. Sara says:

    A laptop case

  30. Helen says:

    I would probably let my little girl pick out something.

  31. Tabathia B says:

    some books for my daughter

  32. latanya says:

    I would put it towards a laptop

  33. Laurie Nykaza says:

    I need to buy some school books so this would help me out.

  34. Karley Moore says:

    I will buy myself some new pajamas. Thanks for the giveaway!

  35. Megan Parsons says:

    I’d buy something for my daughter!

  36. sheila ressel says:

    If I win I will buy some K-cups.

  37. Jennifer R says:

    I would buy some eye cream for myself if I win. I try not to buy anything for myself while I am trying to provide for my kids and husband during the holidays but I need some under eye cream to help with my appearance.

  38. Shannon Holmes says:

    I would most likely give this as a gift, if I keep it I will use it on craft supplies.

  39. Beth Mason says:

    This would come in handy for the grandkids for Christmas! Thanks and Merry Christmas! GH

  40. Deb Pelletier says:

    maybe a book or a gift for someone.

  41. Janell Wagner says:

    Tried a fourth time and finally did

  42. Janell Wagner says:

    I’ve done three of the entries but I push each button and it isn’t recording them or giving me the entries ?

  43. Janell Wagner says:

    I’d buy something fir my new house.

  44. Susan Smith says:

    I would use the GC towards a new pair of boots.

  45. Michele Pineda says:

    Truthfully, I have a looonnnggg Amazon wishlist but I think I would put it towards a Multipot cooker for me.

  46. Ashley Chassereau Parks says:

    I would put it toward Christmas gifts for my kids. The little one wants a basketball and the girls want Barbies.

  47. Jennylyn Gross says:

    I will use for a Christmas gift GH

  48. latoya says:

    I have a lot of books on my wishlist so I would buy a couple of books.

  49. Sherry says:

    I would use it to buy some books.

  50. Janice Wright says:

    I would buy a pillow.

  51. BookLady says:

    If I won I would buy some books from my wishlist.

  52. MelodyJ says:

    I would buy books.

  53. Lauren Becker says:

    I’d love to get a new book or movie for myself!

  54. Michelle J. says:

    I’d buy stocking stuffers!

  55. April says:

    I will use it to purchase vitamins or protein powder.

  56. Kate F. says:

    I might buy some books.

  57. Kim Henrichs says:

    I would buy cat food.

  58. Amber Terry says:

    I would probably buy a few books 🙂

    Thanks for the chance to win!!

  59. Ken Ohl says:

    this would go for my stocking stuffers

  60. Angela Saver says:

    I would put it toward Christmas gifts for the kiddos. Thanks for the chance!

  61. Ellen Thompson says:

    I would use it to buy Christmas presents for my kids.

  62. Dianna says:

    I’d buy my daughter a t-shirt she wants.

  63. Mary Gardner says:

    If I won I would buy a new pair of winter gloves.

  64. Lisa says:

    I would buy cat food and supplies.

  65. Meghan says:

    This would help to offset some Christmas presents

  66. Rochelle Haynes says:

    I would buy some bath and body

  67. Cinderella says:

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  68. Clem says:

    organizing-related product

  69. Sandy Klocinski says:

    Hard to say what I might buy. It depends on what is at the top of the priority list at the time. The list is endless but the priorities keep shifting

  70. Darlene Carbajal says:

    I’d buy myself a pair of slippers!

  71. Beth Minyard says:

    I would put it towards some k-cups

  72. Annamarie Voss says:

    Thanks for the laugh! GH

  73. polly says:

    I would buy some new bath towels for the guest bathroom.

  74. Edye says:

    I would get some candles!

  75. Dee Parker says:

    I would use it to buy some gourmet food goodies!

  76. heather s says:

    I will get new books

  77. wendy hutton says:

    if I win it will go towards a new computer

  78. Jessica Cox says:

    I would probably add more ebook to my reader, you can never have enough books.

  79. Michele Behlen says:

    I would use it for a Christmas gift.

  80. Donna says:

    I would buy some books for my daughter.

  81. Kristin C says:

    I would buy some stocking stuffers.

  82. Cynthia C says:

    I would get gifts for the family.

  83. Nancy says:

    If I won, I would probably buy some books or some clothing.

  84. Molli Taylor says:

    i would keep this on hand forgifts!

  85. Tracy Robertson says:

    I would put it towards last minute Christmas gifts from Amazon. I just started Christmas shopping today.

  86. Mya Murphy says:

    Honestly, it would go towards the homeless I volunteer for.

  87. Calvin says:

    Some smart bulbs or cfl.

  88. Steve Guth says:

    I would buy a couple paring knives.

  89. Alecia G says:

    If I win, I’m going to buy an LED light for my closet.

  90. bn100 says:

    buy books GH

  91. Debbie P says:

    If I won I would use this towards Christmas presents.

  92. Pat says:

    I would buy some Kindle books.

  93. Maria Malaveci says:

    I would buy books!

  94. Lisa says:

    I will put it toward Christmas gifts.

  95. Ann Fantom says:

    If I won, I would buy wireless earbuds

  96. monique s says:

    I would get some clothes for the kids

  97. Natalie says:

    I would buy my sister in law baby clothes because she is pregnant!

  98. paige chandler says:

    I’ll get a new Honda…from the matchbook section. 🙂

  99. laurie damrose says:

    This will be a stocking stuffer!

  100. shelly peterson says:

    I will buy a birthday gift for my son.

  101. Tracie Cooper says:

    I would buy a gift for my mom for Christmas!

  102. Melissa Storms says:

    I would use this towards our regular kitty litter order. So nice to have the 40 lb bag delivered right to my door.

  103. Amanda says:

    Christmas gifts

  104. Michelle Ayers says:

    Thanks for chance to win! I’d probably get some books! GH

  105. Nerlande says:

    I would buy Christmas gifts

  106. Margaret Smith says:

    I would use this towards Christmas presents. Thanks so much.

  107. I am going to buy SD memory cards

  108. Melissa says:

    new vacuum to clean up!

  109. Janet W. says:

    I would like to buy a new pillowcase!

  110. kelli says:

    i’m putting it toward my son’s wishlist for his birthday or christmas. they’re a week apart!

  111. Dana Rodriguez says:

    I have a big wishlist so I am not sure.

  112. Kelly Kimmell says:

    I would buy something for my daughter if I win.

  113. Carol Luciano says:

    I will buy something from my daughter’s wishlist for sure. Thank you so much for the chance. GH

Comments are closed.